jersey-jen: My story - it's long, chem pg ment'd

Try to keep this brief, but sometimes I get long winded ;) (Oops too late, it's long!!)

DH & I started dating on Nov. 12, 1990, our first date was to the Eagles/Redskins Monday Night game - the Eagles kicked butt! Oh, I had the tickets to this game & asked DH to go with me, wasn't I brazen, lol ;)

We got engaged on Valentine's Day 1992 and married on December 12, 1992. Although I went off BCPs 3 months before we were married we had agreed to not actively ttc until we'd been married one year. When we got married DH was 24, I was 28 & turned 29 2 weeks later.

Within 3 months of being married my 2 closest friends announced their pregnancies, Lisa my matron of honor was due in Dec. 1993 and Beth, my college roommate, was due in January 1994. Oh boy did I get baby fever then! I sooooo wanted to have a baby then, too! But, DH & I decided to wait.

We celebrated our first anniversary and 2 days later my friend Lisa had her DD Shannon, late in January my friend Beth had her DS Zachary. 1994 came and DH and I were not actively ttc, not sure why, I think we were having fun :)

In Nov. 1994 DH tells me he feels a lump and some pain on one of his testicles. The Friday after Thanksgiving DH gets an appt. with our new general practitioner. The GP doesn't really feel anything but does give DH a referral to a urologist. The urologist does feel a lump and orders an ultrasound, that is done 2 days later and sure enough, there is a growth on DH's left testicle. On December 4, 1994, DH had surgery to remove the testicle and we were given the definitive dx of seminoma - testicular cancer. In January 1995 DH & I go to Disney and have a grand time. Upon our return DH undergoes radiation therapy - it was a preventative measure as DH's urologist advises they got all the cancer out & it has not spread to DH's lymph nodes.

In the summer of 1995 DH has his first semen analysis - it was dismal. By now DH is seeing a new urologist because the old urologist didn't have testing facilities for SAs and this new one specialized in male infertility. This urologist advises that DH will never father a child in the normal way :( and our only hope was IVF and this new procedure, ICSI. And it was also very likely that DH would have to undergo sperm aspiration, actually entering the testicle and having sperm sucked out.

Needless to say, DH & I were pretty bummed out by this. We had not banked any sperm, as it had not been suggested to DH until the day he was at the hospital for pre-admission testing. Surgery was the next day, we had no idea where you would go to bank it! :(

Fast forward to 1997, DH has had repeat SA's, they are not improving. So, we decide to consult w/ an RE about IVF/ICSI. The stats were dismal, I was 33 at the time and success rates were only about 20%, additionally the cost was pretty prohibitive. I was so uncomfortable with the idea and afraid, very afraid, of failure. To spend a lot of money and have no guarantee and only a 20% chance of success, I was so afraid that if we didn't get pregnant, I'd lose it.

So, basically I decided I wasn't ready, DH wasn't happy, but he let me control this, as I would have to endure so much more than he would.

From that point on we decided we'd hope for a miracle. And we grew sad each month when a miracle didn't happen. And I grew sad each time someone in our family announced a pregnancy, and another, and another... And I grew mad and frustrated when some people got pregnant w/o even trying and so totally didn't deserve it and didn't appreciate it (ok, enough of that).

The straw that broke the camel's back... my older brother, the consummate bachelor, started dating a girl, casually, and she got pregnant. I was so depressed when he called and told me the news. That was the summer of 2000.

I was surfing the net and came across this website for an RE that an acquaintance had told me about, I liked the success rates I was now seeing, I was now 36 and the success rates were close to 50%! And the prices were much more affordable :)

I told DH I wanted to make an appointment with this group. He was sooo excited! So, on September 21, 2000, we had our first appointment with the RE. We jumped in with both feet and were well on our way thru all the pre-IVF testing, etc. when DH had a repeat SA done in early October. His #s were greatly improved and so we decided, with our RE's ok, to try some non- medicated IUIs as I ovulate regularly. We did one in November (BFN) and another on Christmas day (yuck!, another BFN), we were going to do 3 cycles, but instead we decided to be aggressive and start IVF in January 2001.

Our first IVF cycle started late in January with Lupron, stims in February, turns out I'm not a great responder, we retrieved 8 eggs, 4 remained for transfer, we transferred all 4. Beta day was March 7, 2001. DH had taken the day off, as had I. I woke up that morning with what I thought was AF :( But, I told DH we had to go for the beta, we cried and drove over. I gave my blood and then went to the front desk to make an appointment for a follow up (failed IVF) consult.

Later that day we got the call...... I was pregnant??? No way!! But yes, my beta was 24, but my E2 and P4 #s were extremely low. I was told to be cautiously optimistic. We started emergency PIO shots (I was only doing Crinone prior) , as well as Estrace. I continued to bleed quite heavily, tho DH & I wanted it to be good news, we knew it wouldn't be. Two days later my beta was a 9, 1 week later it was under 1. A chemical pg.

After taking a cycle off to have some fun & visit New Orleans we started a new cycle at the end of April 2001 - doing microdose lupron. I didn't respond any better this time, 7 eggs retrieved, 5 made it to transfer, we transferred all 5! Our transfer was May 15, 2001, 3 days after Mother's Day. On May 26, 2001, we got the call..... we were pregnant!! This time my beta was 90 and E2 and P4 #s were much better (I did PIO from the get go this cycle).

I enjoyed a relatively stress free pregnancy (except the subchorionic hemorrhage at the beginning of my pregnancy) and loved being at INCIID to share it with all of you wonderful ladies.

Of course, after 41 weeks and Sean being stubborn, I was finally induced and on February 12, 2002, Sean Anthony entered our lives. We couldn't be happier!

I have to thank DH for being so patient with me in allowing me to decide when it was right for us to finally see an RE and start treatment, I can never thank him enough for that. He never pressured me in all those years to do so. And, when we started treatment he was with me every step of the way - attending all u/s's during our cycles, then all the u/s's and appointments when I was pg. And now, he's such a huge help with Sean. He's amazing!

I also have to thank my friend Stacy (stacers), she and I have been friends online since 1998. She was the one who gave me the link to INCIID in 2000 when I told her we'd be consulting an RE. She & I had talked over the years about our IF struggles, but she too never pushed me to start treatment, she was always just there w/ an understanding ear/shoulder. I am forever grateful for her.

And INCIID, I am so thankful for having found this site (via stacers). It has been an invaluable site for support and information. And having come to know all of you incredible and strong women, it's truly awe inspiring.

Happy Half Way There Birthday, Sean!!

Thanks for reading my story,

~jj

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