Tinkerbell22: My story...My mom told me that when I was 6 years old, I put a plastic kickball in my stomach and pretended to be pregnant just like her....that is how long I have dreamed of being a mom.
After a failed marriage in my late twenties, I met my soulmate and we married on August 2, 1997. I was 33 and my dh who was 37, had two adorable young girls from his first marriage. We agreed to have one more child together (maybe two if I could talk him into it) and I went off of the pill 2 months before our wedding. After 6 mos of ttc(charting, etc), I saw my OB and he ordered the initial tests. Dh sperm -fine. Post coitel-fine. Ovulating -fine. HSG - partial blockage in one tube and one of the most painful tests I ever had. Then, a lap which diagonosed stage II endo. Tubes were open and spilled. Not serious enough endo to cause infertility - so the Dr. said. So what was wrong?? Decided to be aggresive and go straight to RE. She recommended 4 months of depo lupron to put me into menopause and help cure endo before trying IVF #1. Hot flashes here I come. Both dh and I are in high stress advertising agency jobs. Both traveling 2x a week via airplane while living in the outer suburbs of chicago and commuting downtown 3 1/2 hours a day. (I am sure this did not help our family planning cause.) Finally - IVF #1. So excited. It's scrubbed on day 7 of stims. Back-up IUI failed. I wasn't happy with Dr and practice but didn't follow my gut and tried 2nd IVF there also. 18 eggs retrieved - NO fertilization. On to a new RE and major research on my part. No more being blindly led. Learned about the best lab for ICSI. (Sperm is injected into egg vs. self selection by sperm.) IVF #3- get pregnant with a beta of 90 after transfering 2 blasts on day 5. We're thrilled - tell close friends and family. Miscarry at 7 weeks due to chromosomal abnormality. Have D&C. I'm devastated beyond belief. IVF #4 - RE says do the exact same protocol. We transfer 2 perfect blasts on day 5 again. Embryologists says our chances of pg are 75%. Cycle ends in a chemical pregnancy. My beta climbed 5 points at time for 7 days until I was finally put out of my misery and told to stop all meds and wait for my period. Now we have 2 frozen blasts. The cycles, trips to the Dr (one hour away) and stressful job are draining me. We decide to do an FET (frozen embryo transfer) with our 2 frozen blasts. One week before the transfer, I break my foot in four places while running in O'Hare airport to catch a plane. Is someone telling me to slow down?? I'm in a cast for 3 months - end up with nerve damage and can't walk for over a year. (Oh btw, FET is negative.) I took a medical leave of absence due to my foot and decide it is time to s-l-o-w down. We transfered to a different RE in the same practice who I met and just LOVED. (So caring - so warm.) But Both dh and I are so drained. So do we have the strength to try again? When will life be normal? I went into therapy to get over the miscarriage. It helped a little. I can't talk to anyone about it. Noone understands. Dh's ex-wife is pregnant again for the second time (child #4) with her new husband. I want to adopt - dh won't even consider it. I am hopeless. We decide to try IVF #5 with new RE that we trust. He said not to do a blast transfer - for some reason we have great quality embyros but then they deterioate. So we do a day three transfer with four embies and pray. (We are so scared of a high order multiple - I would not do selective reduction.) By now I am 36 and have been ttc for over three years. We are pregnant again! Beta is a 47 and continues to climb. Then - a devastating illness hits my husband 2 weeks after we found out we were pg. He has viral encephalitis. A deadly condition that causes inflammation of the brain. He is hospitlized for a month. Almost in a coma. I am at his bedside every minute. Giving myself intra muscular progesterone injections for the baby and praying that I won't lose them both. My husband, thank God, makes a miraculous recovery. I miscarried 1 week after he came home from the hospital. Dh is home for three months rehabilitating and we are dazed and confused. I remember getting up in the morning and telling myself - just remember to breathe. I nursed him, comforted and supported him. He has terrible headaches, can't sleep and has partial memory loss. (memory loss is common with this illness.) He was forced to go back to work after only 3 months when his disability ran out. I start rehab/therapy so that I can walk again. Most would have given up any hopes of a child at this point. We thought our insurance had run out after 4 complete IVF attempts, 1 scrubbed attempt, and 2 FETs. Then - God sent us a sign. My company switched ins. carriers and we were entitled to one more covered IVF. In June of 2001 - we did our last and final IVF. IVF #6 to be exact. This was it. There was no way I was putting my body through it any more. And with dh against adoption - I knew this was my last chance at motherhood. Since I had two miscarriages (both chromosome abnormalities) our RE recommended a procedure called PGD where they test the eggs for normal chromosomes prior to fertilization and transfer. On June 22 we transfered 4 normal embryos on day 3. (both dh and I are born on the 22nd. - could this be another sign??) Beta on day 10 is 235. We see two heartbeats at 6 week u/s. My beautiful twins were born at 37 weeks on February 15, 2002 (yes, that is 2 children on 02/02) and their names are Emilie Anne and John Patrick Jr. They are 6 months old today and my heart is overflowing with joy. God is so good. Thanks for hearing my story. Tinkerbell, who believes in magic. |