Swish: My (incredibly late) story!...

I think the best way to tell the story (and attempt to be under 1,000,000,000 words) is to highlight the most memorable moments.

February 1989
DH and I decided to let "whatever happens happen" and stopped all active birth control. I had been on BCP's for 7 years at that point and after a visit from AF immediately after stopping the pills, I did not see her again for 15 months. I only saw her once or twice a year for the next 4 years. At every annual pap smear I would mention it to my GP and be assured that there was nothing to worry about. With youthful ignorance, we keep trying.

March 1993
Things change. I gained about 30 pounds in a very short period of time without ever changing my eating habits. Along with the weight comes a ton of hair in places I really wasn't thrilled with. Sideburns, moustache, chin, throat, back and stomach. This finally gets my GP's attention and he sent me to an endocrinologist where I heard the term PCOS for the first time. All I remember from that meeting was the clear message that getting pregnant would be difficult. I called a few 'fertility specialists' in the area and went with the one who could get me in soonest, and that was a year away. I did 6 clomid cycles back to back from 50mg to 200mg until I couldn't take it anymore. I was not monitored at all and just had one bloodtest done on cd18 to confirm ovulation. In 6 months, I had 1 confirmed ovulation. I started my own research and dumped the specialist.

September 1998
All of my wandering through the WWW finally led me home – INCIID – and a collection of the most amazing, strong, witty, wonderful and knowledgeable women anywhere. Buy TCYOF and become a fixture in the IFWR.

August 1999
After years of referrals and appointments I arrive for my first appointment with the infamous Dr. God – RE Spectacular. While between doctor's I had lost 10 pounds (over 14 months) and started to ovulate on my own. I had follicle studies and my first introduction (for what would become a torrid love/hate relationship) to Mr. Wand, an HSG, and a PCT within the first few months at the clinic. Finally, I was being taken care of properly. I did 2 clomid/iui cycles without success in the Summer of 2000.

October 2000
Decided on ovarian drilling (cautery) surgery and scheduled it for February 2001. More waiting. I hang around the IFWR pretending I can avoid the surgery by becoming the world’s first person to become pg without actually ovulating.

February 2001
Lost my job and had the surgery. Not so bad. I am filled with even more hope then ever and feeling like I have done all that I can do.

June 2001
I did my second clomid/iui cycle after recovering from surgery (10th overall) and went to my first adoption seminar for China. The room is filled with gorgeous little girls and tearful tales of their arrival here. I had no idea I would get my first positive beta of 344 on June 22, 16dpo/iui. I remember that moment like it happened an hour ago. The phone rang and I just stared at it and let it go until the service picked up. I knew who was calling and I hated getting the bad news live and having to suck it up quickly and make appointments for another try. So I waited and then played the message. I swear time stopped completely when I heard the news and I bawled like a banshee for about 15 minutes while replaying the message over and over and over again.

**Sidebar – I see my strategy is not really working and this post is getting long!**

July 2001
Denial sets in along with a strong dislike for most meat, especially chicken. Listen to message over and over and over again.

August 2001 – February 2002
Still in denial, still hate chicken, still listen to phone message every day, now convinced that if I don’t it will jinx things somehow. Also start feeling for my belly every morning to make sure it hasn’t disappeared.

February 25, 2002
Due date comes….and goes. OB says cervix is a steel trap. I hate him.

March 2, 2002
Labour starts at around 2 a.m. Just enough discomfort to prevent any real sleep. Contractions continue for the whole day, but never get any stronger.

March 3, 2002
Finally at around 2 a.m. we decide to take the 40 minute trip to L&D as things intensify. Arrive to a deserted wing and find out I am only at 1 cm. They keep me anyway since the contractions are registering quite strong on the monitors and, honestly, I think those night nurses were desperate for something to do. I spent the next 6 hours in the whirlpool breathing through contractions and trying hard to be more excited then frightened. The only thing I am certain of is that I will be having a boy. LOL. Despite the reported dilating effects of the tub, I was only 2 cm when the OB arrived at 9. Still, the contractions were strong and I was overdue, so he broke my water and ordered pitocin. The nurses started urging me to get the epidural. I was managing the contractions really well and was wary of getting it too early, but it had been more then 30 hours since I had slept so we proceeded and I slept for awhile. Truthfully, the afternoon is really hazy. I remember that time seemed to be standing still and I was making painfully slow progress. Finally in the later afternoon I was at 7. Within an hour I was feeling the contractions again and an urge to push. At 5 p.m. I was a soft 9. A half-hour later I was sucking on the gas to prevent giving into the urge and had only a rim to go. I couldn’t wait to give into it and push. For an hour I sucked that gas and tried to ignore the doctor and nurses exchanging glances as the rim remained. At 7 p.m. I was back to 9 cm and told I was going to have to have a c-section. I completely fell apart. The next hour is disjointed memories. I had a full-fledged panic attack on the table in the OR. It seemed to take forever for them to get the baby out. DH was so amazing – I could never have endured any of it without him. Finally, I felt the baby being born and heard the announcement that it was a girl. Huge shock. Then I remember throwing up, DH holding her up to me and me seeing 3 of everything and finally waking up shivering in recovery. Madeleine Rose was born at 7:44 p.m. and nursing by 10 (though I was completely out of it for that first meeting.) I slept for 12 hours.

March 6, 2002
I woke up early and watched the sun come up from my hospital bed with my new daughter sleeping beside me knowing DH would soon arrive to take us home. In that moment, with absolute clarity, I realized that I had just started breathing for the first time in nearly 8 long years. It was the most profound and moving moment of my life. We were going home…as a family.

Phew! Thanks for hanging in there with me! =0)

Back to Our Stories