GinaK: My storyWhen dh & I got married in June 1994 (see picture below!), we stopped using bc immediately. I think I wanted to start a family more than he did at that time, and a couple of years later, I thought maybe the infertility was a way to make us wait until he was ready. A couple of more years, I thought, we’re ready already! In 1996, after doing initial testing with my OB, I made an appointment with an RE. I had to wait 3 months for the appointment. You hear wonderful stories about people getting pregnant right before seeing an RE. I was almost one of those people. I was scheduled to meet the RE in early November. In September, I started bleeding mid-cycle. Very unusual for me. I had a “normal” period two weeks earlier. My OB said (over the phone) it was ovulation spotting, but I knew better. I took an old expired hpt (can’t believe I let one expire!), and it was positive. Another, not expired, was positive. I went to the OB who confirmed it. Now, would the numbers increase or decrease? Decrease. I took it in stride. It meant we could get pregnant! In October, we went on vacation. (You hear wonderful stories about people getting pregnant on vacation. I was almost one of those people, too.) We came back home and had our appt. with the RE in early November. He was very optimistic. We’d start testing with my next AF. Well, it didn’t come. I was pregnant again. After two years of nothing, I got pregnant twice in 3 months! We didn’t know how far along I was, but after weeks of no heartbeat, we knew it was over. I was probably 9 weeks when I had a d & c, and it was confirmed as a tetraploidy (chromosomal) miscarriage. I found INCIID, which helped keep me sane, as I stayed up to all hours of the night chatting away. Now come the hsg, iui’s, clomid and injectibles and tests tests tests. No problems were detected. A year later, in 1997, after an IUI, I had a chemical pregnancy. To this day, I wish I had forced my RE to give me more progesterone. My beta numbers were very low but doubling, but the p4 was too low. If I only knew then what I know now, I might have a 4-year old. (Of course, I might not have Siri—or have gotten to know any of you, so who is to say what is best?) Instead, I had another d & c and a laparoscopy. Next we tried 4 IVFs. It seemed like they were always the same. I got about 11 eggs, and half would fertilize. None would implant. My RE was starting to say things like “egg quality issues.” I did immune testing, even though my RE didn’t “believe” in it, unless it was clear-cut. My testing came back borderline. I started herbal remedies and acupuncture, I went for a second opinion, I even went to a hypno-therapist. In July 1999, I took a mind-body fertility class that really changed me. Or, I should say, returned me to some degree to a pre-infertility state of mind. I didn’t want to have infertility define me totally, even though it will always define me partially. Three years later, I still meet with 6 of those women every month. And, as of July 29, every one of us has a child (or two!). They are some of the best friends I will ever have, and they know me in a way no other friend can know me. We are still of great support to each other and now we have mindful parenting to work through. As far as medical treatments go, I went to get 3rd and 4th opinions from Cornell and NYU in January 2000. I wasn’t giving up, but it was time to move on to another clinic. NYU (Jamie Grifo) said the same thing as my old RE said (egg quality) and strongly suggested donor eggs. Cornell (Owen Davis) said it seemed like an egg-maturity rather than egg-quality issue. I had gotten pregnant in-utero 3 times, and none in-vitro, so Dr. Davis suggested endometrial co-culture (to mimic in-utero environment). I decided two things: Cornell was it, and I’d wait until I felt ready. During the next year, I went to an acupuncturist every week and went to my mind-body group bi-weekly. I even took another mind-body course. I also got to know a woman, through INCIID, who has been through more immune issues than you can imagine, and she recommended some dietary changes to balance my immune system, if in fact, that had anything to do with anything. She also said many prayers for me. I wish my prayers for her will be successful. After a year, I called Dr. Davis, set up my bloodwork and endometrial biopsy and scheduled our 5th IVF for the April/May 2001 session. Although my dh thinks I’m being revisionist, I really felt this was the last try. Fortunately, we’ll never know if I would have been willing to do it again, because that IVF brought me Siri. Siri means beautiful victory. What I remember about that cycle was getting up at 4:30am to make the 5:30am train into NYC, almost every day for 2 weeks. I remember walking back from Cornell to Grand Central (about 30 blocks)—stopping at St. Patrick’s Cathedral for a prayer—humming Christmas tunes and religious songs in my head (or out loud!). One song was “How Great Thou Art,” which was the favorite song of my late devout Uncle Ed; another was “Onward Christian Soldiers,” which was the favorite song of my grandmother who had passed away 3 months prior. I didn’t intend to hum these songs—they just came to me, and over the course of the cycle, I felt my grandmother’s presence strongly. I remember getting The Call. My beta was 257. I was happy. I was scared. But, I felt it was going to happen. I did spend most of the first 2 trimesters worrying. At least until my amnio came back normal. You all helped me through those scary first months. Now I miss it! Luckily, my pregnancy went very well. I felt good. My skin never looked better (no wonder I miss it!). And on my due date, February 2nd, after a Mexican meal, I went into what I call pre-labor. Labor the next day was uneventful but slow & painful enough for me to get the epidural. Then, at 1:36am on February 4, 2002, Siri Louise was born. She has made us so happy. Here’s a link to a song that we use as a lullaby, which is meaningful to us. I remember listening to this song in the hospital after Siri was born. It was as if I was in a dream, sleeping with my daughter in the bassinet next to me. Go down to #9, I Should Be With You. http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/cds/204/204498.html Gina |