Elk: My story... finally!!

Okay, so I missed my deadline for the 11th. Hope you all can forgive me! Also, this is very long, but I wanted to write down all of the details so I could save it for myself. Here goes:

DH and I met while we were in college. We dated his entire Sr. year (my Jr. year) and he went off to nuclear power training for submarines. I finished up my Sr. year and we got married after I graduated in July of 1995.

When we got married, we decided that we would wait a couple of years to have kids. 2 years came and went, and we just weren't quite ready yet. I was working on getting my CPA, and DH was in and out on the submarine, so we decided to wait a while.

In July of 1998, DH arrived home from a 2.5 month patrol. When he got back, we took a deep breath and said good-bye to BC! We knew that this would be a big change in our lives, so neither of us was very anxious for it to happen right away. Besides, I figured it would take a few months anyway (a few months - haha!)

We went about our business and just enjoyed the carefree life without BC. DH left again from December of 1998-March of 1999. Since he was routinely out to sea for 2.5 mos., then home for 4.5, I figured I had to give myself about 2 years before I really got worried. And as everyone kept telling me, I was young, I had plenty of time!

I got my hands on a copy of TCOYF and started charting in April of 1999. My cycles were like clockwork and I had all the signs of ovulation. Those 1st few months were difficult, as DH did not like making command performances. I had to learn how to trick him into it, LOL! In May, we were transferred to Italy. I didn’t worry about not getting pg, as I figured I was stressed from the move and getting situated in a foreign country. I kept up the charting and was becoming a pro at this, I might add. By October of 1999, I was finally getting worried. I told DH we needed to talk to my OB (a nurse-midwife). He said if we weren’t pg by the beginning of 2000, it was a deal. I got an appt. in Dec. of 1999 – I was a bit impatient. I think this was when I found INCIID. All I can say is, thank the Good Lord for the internet. I never would have made it through without INCIID and being able to research everything - especially living in a foreign country!

According to my “expert opinion”, I had a luteal phase defect. It looked like I ovulated around day 17. I went to my appointment on December 16, 1999, armed with my charts, a list of questions, and determination. I think I spent most of the appointment trying not to cry. I don’t know why, but it just made it so official that we had IF since we were finally seeking help from a Dr. The midwife ordered a battery of blood tests for me, an ultrasound to look for any abnormalities, and a SA for DH. I don’t know if I can explain to you what a big deal this was for me. I usually faint when I get blood drawn and the thought of getting a shot makes me lose sleep for days. I couldn’t believe we were actually embarking on the path of blood tests and needles. I was sure I would never be able to do IVF since that involved daily injections.

Keep in mind I am being seen at a Navy hospital in a foreign country. They don’t even let you take an overseas assignment if you have any medical issues. That being said, let the frustrations begin!! The hospital lab only had limited tests it could perform on site, so the majority of my blood work was sent out to Texas and Germany. Luckily DH’s SA could be done on site. We got the results just before Christmas, and it showed a low count of only 6.25 million/mL. Aha! That’s the problem. I have to admit I was somewhat relieved. DH was banned from hot tubs, smoking occasional cigars, and I frowned at him when he drank too much.

The midwife ordered another SA for the following month. DH dutifully went to the lab and “suffered” through his test. This time, the count came back at 108 million/mL. DH was ecstatic. Unfortunately, I was not. That meant the problem was mine.

We waited, and waited, and waited for my lab results to come back. It was 7 weeks before all of the results came back. It was so frustrating. The opportunities for a pg through treatment were just slipping by as we waited for results. I got the ultrasound done, and everything looked fine. I finally was able to see the midwife to discuss the results, which indicated everything was normal. I was almost disappointed, as I wanted there to be a problem that we could fix.

It is now early March and I have an appointment with another Dr. at the military hospital to discuss my options. I have done my research and am trying to figure out how I can say that I want to see an RE, and that I don’t want to do Clomid without monitoring (thank you INCIID!)– they don’t monitor at the Navy hospital. I walk in, she looks over my chart, and asks me if I want to see the Italian specialist to discuss my options before starting Clomid and having the HSG done. My mouth hit the floor and I was ecstatic. This had to happen, as my good friend was sitting in the waiting room. I knew she was there for a pg test but she hadn’t said anything. She didn’t even want to try until we started trying, and she happened to get pg on her 1st month trying, go figure.

So, off to the specialist we go. We got an appointment in mid-March. A translator drove us downtown during riposo (like siesta) and we met the famed Dr. Antonio Scotto di Frega. I felt good when I saw a diploma from Cornell on his wall. Once again, I am armed with my research and questions. DH must have thought I was obsessed. The appointment went very well. Dr. Scotto didn’t believe in a bunch of testing. In his opinion, if the SA, HSG, and Prolactin levels all come back normal, it is time to start treatment. To my surprise, I had an ultrasound at that first appointment, which was day 15 of my cycle. I’m thinking it’s just about time to ovulate, but I didn’t even have any follicles! I was monitored the rest of the cycle, and it turns out that I ovulated on day 23! All along, I thought I ovulated on Day 17, so I figured we just had our timing off. The RE said he thought our case would be easy which really lifted my spirits.

We did timed bd that first month, then 3 cycles of Clomid with timed bd, all without success.

It is now August of 2000 - 2 years since we started trying. We did our first IUI with clomid and injectibles - negative. We closed out the year with 2 more injectible/IUI's, both of which were negative. In the meantime, everyone we knew was pregnant or had a baby. You know the story.

We were moving on to IVF. I was excited yet apprehensive. I knew we had a good chance of conceiving, yet I also knew that this was the end of the road for us. If IVF didn't work, we were done.

Our first IVF/ICSI was in January of 2001. This RE always does ICSI. I found out that I am considered a poor responder during this cycle, but I still had 3 grade 1 embies transferred - BFN. We were crushed, but the RE said we could move right back into another IVF. We started the injections for IVF #2, and this is where the story gets good.

Remember the nurse-midwife at the military hospital? Well, sometime in February of 2001, and I truly wish I had written the date down on my calendar, I got a call from the midwife at the Navy hospital. Had we considered adoption? She had spoken to a young girl who was active duty in the Navy, and she was considering placing her baby for adoption. What did we think? All kinds of thoughts went spinning through my head, but I calmly said that I would talk to DH and get back to her.

DH and I had discussed adoption, but figured we would let our treatment run its course while in Italy, and then look into it when we moved back to the US in the fall of 2001. I quickly dialed up DH and relayed the message. Yes, we were definitely interested. I called the midwife back and told her we were interested. She said that the woman was discussing everything with her boyfriend, and that if his family was not going to raise the baby, they would be placing the baby for adoption. The pbmom had asked the midwife to give us her number so we could call.

Talk about nervous! I called CC that evening and awkwardly introduced myself. My hands were so sweaty I almost dropped the phone! She told me that they were still trying to decide if they or the pbfather’s family were going to raise the baby. I told her that if they did decide to place the baby for adoption, I would hope that they would consider DH and I. I called DH to tell him about the phone call. It turns out that she actually worked in the same command as my husband, though not directly for him which was good. Either way, if this was going to happen, it would have to be very hush-hush.

I was stunned when the phone rang an hour later and CC said that she and her boyfriend, EG wanted to meet us. Could we come by that night? Of course! We cancelled our plans to go to a concert with friends. I drove to the base to pick Brian up from work, and we picked CC up as well at her apartment and drove over to EG’s place. We got to know each other for a while, and then started talking about the adoption like it was a done deal! It is so strange how it just happened, and I feel terrible telling this story to those who waited so long to adopt. The baby was due on June 23, so we only had 4 months to figure out where the baby would be born (it had to be in the US) get the home study done, find an attorney, etc.

I won't get into the details of trying to organize an adoption in the US while both the birthparents and adoptive parents are stationed overseas, but let's just say it wasn't easy (understatement of the year!)

In the meantime, we were faced with the decision of whether or not we wanted to do another IVF cycle. We were fully aware that the birthparents could change their minds at any time. We also knew that the cost of an IVF cycle in Italy was less than half the cost in the US (and our insurance doesn't cover squat). Against the majority opinion of the adoption community, we went for it. Even if we did get pregnant, we still wanted to adopt the baby so that wasn't an issue.

The RE, against his own professional opinion, transferred 4 grade-1 embies on May 23. We didn't want to discard one or freeze it, so we gambled. I went in for my Beta on June 7. OMG, it was positive. The nurse told me in Italian, and I kept asking her if she was sure. I was shaking and crying. My next thought was, holy crap, what if there's more than one in there!? The next day, I graduated with an MBA.

I flew back to the US a week later to await the birth of the baby. Our precious son Andrew arrived 3 days early on June 20 and we got to be in the L&D room the whole time and watch him enter the world. CC referred to me as her coach & it was so great to be able to help. Thankfully, he waited until my DH arrived. The birthmom's water broke while I was picking DH up from the airport, so that was timing!

While we were waiting for the parental rights to be relinquished, I was having lots of abdominal pain, especially after eating. I went to the ER and they discovered some cysts, I guess from the IF drugs. Thankfully it was not an ectopic pg or a miscarraige. They found the hb on ultrasound, and lo and behold, there was only one little booger in there, Josh.

We moved back to CT just one week before the September 11 tragedy. Thankfully, my pregnancy was very uneventful, but I was very tired with a new baby and being pregnant - probably the hardest part.

We were scheduled to be induced on February 11, my due date, since we had to move again on February 21. We went to church that morning and were asked to carry the bread and wine to the front of the church. I was having a lot of back pain and couldn't really stand very much, but was thrilled to be a part of the ceremony. During the passing of the peace, we told the minister that we would be induced the next day. She called us up to the front of the church and said a special prayer for us and the baby.

When we got home, labor began and I did not have to experience pitocin, thank you God! My labor was nine hours and I got the epidural after laboring for 3. The hardest part was the 3 hours of pushing. They cut back the epidural after 2 hours so I could feel to push. Right before Josh was born, I screamed at the Doctor to "get that damn baby out of me!" (not my proudest moment.)

Joshua Logan entered the world on February 11, 2001 and has been such a joy. I am so blessed to have 2 wonderful boys.

I know it won't be easy always having to explain why my boys are only 7.5 months apart, but I wouldn't change a thing. I love them both to tears and can truly appreciate what a miracle babies are.

Thanks for reading my story!

Katy

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